


Day-Ohhhh No

by Ceil



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Dead People, Demons, Dinner, Families of Choice, Family, Family Dinners, Family Drama, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Ghosts, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:28:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24059005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceil/pseuds/Ceil
Summary: Charles invites Maxie and Maxine Dean to dinner post-Beetlejuice Incident. It’s supposed to be a calm, family-friendly night.Instead it ends with Lydia slicing her arm open, Delia almost choking to death, Barbara destroying her favorite antique cabinet, Adam getting very jealous, Beetlejuice going full “demon fun house,” and a sandworm-sized hole punched through the living room plaster.This is why they can’t have nice things.
Relationships: Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland, Beetlejuice & Charles Deetz & Delia Deetz & Lydia Deetz & Adam Maitland & Barbara Maitland, Beetlejuice & Lydia Deetz, Beetlejuice & Sandworms (Beetlejuice), Beetlejuice/Adam Maitland, Beetlejuice/Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland, Beetlejuice/Barbara Maitland, Charles Deetz & Delia Deetz, Charles Deetz & Delia Deetz & Lydia Deetz, Charles Deetz & Delia Deetz & Lydia Deetz & Adam Maitland & Barbara Maitland, Charles Deetz/Delia Deetz, Delia Deetz & Lydia Deetz, Lydia Deetz & Adam Maitland, The Ensemble & Jockey (Beetlejuice)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 109





	Day-Ohhhh No

**Author's Note:**

> HEY I’m back with a one-shot. Just couldn’t help myself. I have another potential Beetlejuice story in the works, but it’s still more of an idea than a real thing at this point. Until then (if I get there…eek), I hope you enjoy this! 
> 
> Also, please have some Goldenrat/Beetlelands ~moments~ just in case you like that. Let me know, 'cause I genuinely don’t know lol. Lmk what you think and who you ship, feedback and comments are <3 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING for a graphic description of a cut and an allergic reaction.

When Charles invited Maxie and Maxine Dean to dinner at the Deetzes, he wasn’t thinking it through. Not really.

Obviously he remembered the last time they’d gathered for a meal (who wouldn’t after losing their house and only daughter to a demon by the night’s end?) but it didn’t really hit Charles how momentous of an ask it was until Maxie said something.

“So Chuck!” the dealer said. “Finally making it up to us for last time, eh?” He barked out an obnoxiously loud laugh.

Charles guessed that was true, somewhat. He did want to compensate for turning his house into a nightmare demon fun home.

“Hah. Of course Maxie! Bring an appetizer and we’ll take care of the rest—just no shellfish,” Charles instructed, taking care to mention shellfish since Delia was allergic.

It was all going according to plan, but when he finally told the family who was coming over for dinner Friday, they didn’t take the news as calmly as he’d expected.

“You know I tried to murder them last time, right? Do _they_ know that? ‘Cause if I scrambled their brains, I want credit for it,” Beetlejuice said.

The demon had rejoined the family in the time since last year, becoming _especially_ close to Adam and Barbara, the others noticed. But still, Maxie and Maxine didn’t know how far Beetlejuice had come, nor did they know how brilliantly he settled into Deetz-Maitland family life after a brief awkward period.

“Maxine’s brain was already scrambled, so don’t sweat that one,” Lydia quipped.

“Charles, don’t you think this is a bad oh-men?” Delia interrupted. “We just finished redoing the living room plaster!”

“That plaster really was a project,” Adam agreed, though he sounded kind of pleased about it.

The ghost had worked hard on whipping the house back into shape, making it smooth and shiny and perfect again. Adam would work all day on the house and feed scraps to Big Sandy the Sandworm, who liked to eat garbage even more than Beetlejuice. It was relaxing. It was soothing. And the prospect of round two wasn’t _exactly_ unappealing.

Barbara smiled politely and gave Charles an encouraging nod. “We did just get the house together,” she said. “But it’s one dinner, right? It can’t hurt!”

Bless Barbara’s big heart. She didn’t know how spectacularly wrong she was.

Grumblings aside, for the sake of the family’s emotionally repressed Dad who didn’t ask for very much very often, they all pulled themselves together and dressed to the nines for that Friday night doorbell, even Lydia donning a (very black) fancy dress.

“Charles!” Maxie boomed as soon as the door opened. “What a pleasure!”

The man let himself inside with one lawyer following (better than last time’s three) while basically ignoring Maxine, who already looked frazzled after stepping into the house for 10 seconds.

“Hello Maxie,” Charles greeted with a smile. “You brought a lawyer!”

“I always do,” Maxie said. The lawyer moved to sit on the family couch, clearly disinterested in even attempting to join the meal.

“Well hello Maxine!” Charles said politely, choosing not to comment on the random third wheel.

Maxine started to bow low, but her husband interrupted.

“Eh ignore her pal,” Maxie said rudely. “You know they say you should trade in your car every 2-3 years? Turns out it works for the wives too!”

He roared in laughter, Maxine joining him while clearly not getting the joke as the others looked on awkwardly, Delia the only one attempting to politely laugh. Maxie noticed.

“Why hello there,” he said to Lydia’s stepmom, whose smile was the perfect mix of fake courtesy and regret. “Enchanté,” he kissed her hand in a vice grip and didn’t let go, and the vein in Charles’ forehead suddenly became very, very prominent.

“ALRIGHT,” Charles said, looping his arm around Delia’s waist, breaking her contact with Maxie, the latter seeming disappointed and the former relieved. “Why don’t we sit down, shall we?”

“Yes SHALL WE, WE SHALL!” Maxine echoed clumsily. Even for her, she seemed to be trying harder than usual. Maybe Maxie’s comments really were getting to her.

“So. Chuck. You ever heard of a friendly, physical, couples’ tête-à-tête?” Maxie whisper-shouted to Charles as he was led into the dining room, though everyone could hear him. His eyes were still uncomfortably on Delia.

“Eh heh. A what now?”

“You know, some couples don’t just swing wine glasses, but _swing wine glasses_ ,” Maxie said. “Whatdya say Chuck? Up for a wife swap?” He barked out laughter like he was kidding, though his eyes made it clear he was absolutely not.

Charles let out a grimace that might’ve been an attempt at a smile, and instead of leading himself and Delia to their seats at the table, he wound his arm around his fiancée and guided her to the seat furthest away from Maxie.

“But Charles, this isn’t my—“

“Your seat, yes! This is your seat,” Charles said shortly. “Right next to Adam!”

Adam hadn’t paid much mind to what Charles and Maxie were muttering about until he turned to what should’ve been Barbara’s seat and saw Delia giving Charles puppy dog eyes. And ever kindhearted, Barbara smiled brightly at her husband from the seat right smack dab next to Maxie.

Both Adam and Delia pouted, but it was what it was. The dinner began.

“Why _hello_ ,” Maxie turned to Barbara, eyeing her up and down with unconcealed interest. “And here I thought Chuck was giving me the short end of the stick. Who, might I ask, are you?”

“Oh my name’s Barbara Maitland. I live here!” she replied with a smile.

“Barbara is one of the ghosts in our home,” Charles supplied. “She and Adam are members of the family.”

“A ghost huh! Can ghosts still be touched?” He reached for her arm, lighting up when he realized she was corporal.

“Well THAT certainly comes in handy, now doesn’t it sweetheart?”

Barbara smiled tensely as Maxie started to further zero in on her.

Adam was half listening to Delia chatter on about something called “chakra juice” at the other end of the table, but his eyes stayed put on the spectacle, his expression contorted in annoyance.

Adam’s eyes weren’t the only murderous ones taking it all in though.

“The hell does this guy think he is?” Beetlejuice muttered to Lydia, aghast.

If anyone had asked Lydia whether the demon from hell who broke half their house last year would be the one clutching his pearls at others’ dinner manners, she would’ve never believed it. But here he was. Here they were.

“He’s a creep,” she agreed easily. “He hit on _me_ last time he was here.”

Beetlejuice’s eyes went even wider, and his hair changed to a darker shade.

“He’s horrible,” she added when the demon said nothing. “The complete worst. Human garbage.”

“You know who likes garbage…” Beetlejuice said, eyes glimmering with quiet delight.

“Who?”

“Oh come on. Whooooo likes garbage, Lydia?”

“Tell me,” Lydia said. “Or I’ll make you talk to Maxine.” Maxie’s wife had been talking poor Charles’ ear off, who kept trying to catch everyone else’s eyes to get out of the conversation.

“Big Sandy,” Beetlejuice said quickly, Lydia’s eyes snapping to his in glee.

“Saaaanndy,” she echoed. “You know, Big Sandy could *really* use a break. I’m sure she’s awfully lonely, being outside all by herself during a family dinner. Doesn’t seem fair does it?”

“Not fair at all,” Beetlejuice said with a wide grin. “Not one bit.”

Their matching conspiratorial smiles did the rest of the planning for them, a kind of best friend telepathy not found often, and they swiftly excused themselves from dinner.

Charles knew something strange was up when both Lydia and Beetlejuice left the table at the same time, but his brain could barely get around Maxine’s constant obvious flirting and her not-at-all-subtle leg that kept rubbing (more like slamming) into his own, so he let it slide in favor of an easier out.

“Appetizers!” he clapped, suddenly standing and drawing the remaining table’s attention. “We need appetizers before we begin!”

“I brought my famous appe-taser spe-she-all-ih-tee,” Maxine parsed out uncomfortably slow, as if she’d never said those words before. She set a tray on the table, removing foil to reveal an assortment of what looked like mini chocolate cakes.

Honestly, they didn’t look half bad.

“Awesome,” Barbara said. “What are they?”

“Coco Delight!”

Not one of them knew what that meant (including Maxine, probably), but they looked edible and it was hard to mess up chocolate, so everyone rolled with it and started nibbling on them.

“Chocolate as an appetizer,” Delia said with barely concealed distaste. “Well, at least there’s no shellfish to worry about then! The universe has selected me for allergies with that one.”

“Yeah yeah, no shellfish,” Maxie said, no longer paying anyone else any mind with Barbara right next to him, mentally undressing her as she stared back unamused.

Meanwhile, Lydia and Beetlejuice were hovering near the living room, just waiting for the detached lawyer reading a newspaper on the couch to turn around.

The lawyer finally finally _finally_ glanced out the window and came face to face with Big Sandy the sandworm.

Sandy reared up, one head coming out of the other with drool dripping down her two chins, posed to attack through the window…and the lawyer turned back to her book without so much as a double take.

Beetlejuice and Lydia were dumbfounded. Clearly Sandy felt similarly, because she reared up and let out a roar once again.

“Can you get that thing to keep it down?” the lawyer said. “I’m trying to read here.”

“You’re not…scared?” Lydia asked.

The lawyer looked at her like she’d asked if circles were round.

“I was here last time kid,” the lawyer said, leaving it at that.

Lydia and Beetlejuice were pretty bummed about the failed scare, but not as much as Sandy, who looked positively _shattered_ she didn’t get the cries she was gunning for.

“Sorry Sandy,” the two pranksters muttered in unison as the big sandsnake slithered off miserably, her head held down.

“We’ll have to give her a treat or something later,” Lydia said. “If we were still redoing the house, Adam could give her extra wall plaster.”

“HEY, *I* like eating the extra plaster!” Beetlejuice complained, his voice catching Adam’s attention from the table.

“Oh Lydia and Beetlejuice! Great idea! How about we all move to the living room couches for appetizers?” Adam suggested suddenly, desperate for an excuse to get Barbara alone. “To be more comfortable?”

Everyone shrugged and agreed, and Adam seized the moment to sandwich himself right next to Barbara, putting an arm around her protectively.

“What’s up with you?” Barbara whispered before they sat down.

“What’s up with me?” Adam said indignantly. “What’s up with me? What’s up with you! What’s up with you and Maxie and his eyes all over you and what’s up with him touching your arm and staring at you like that and calling you sweetheart, huh? What’s up with that?? And you’re ask what’s up with _me_ , _well how about what’s up with you?”_

“Breathe, honey,” Barbara just stared at him wide-eyed for a few seconds. Adam sighed.

“I—I’m so sorry Barbara,” he said, exhaling. “I don’t know what came over me. I just, I hated seeing him…seeing him…”

“Sounds like someone was jealous,” Barbara said.

“WAS NOT,” Beetlejuice suddenly appeared behind them both. “I was NOT jealous, no way, I don’t use sandworms only when I’m jealous…”

His changing hair color gave him away.

“You guys,” Barbara soothed. “He’s a creepy old guy. But everything’s okay. I’m okay. We’re okay. You’re acting out over nothing, I promise.”

Both Adam and Beetlejuice deflated a little in relief, her words clearly resonating even if they didn’t like the situation. She put a hand on each of their arms. “Let’s go eat appetizers, okay? Charles and Delia look like they need backup.”

As usual, Barbara was right. The elder Deetzes looked like they were trying hard but barely holding everything together.

As the family settled on the couch in front of the fireplace, things began to calm slightly, until they began hearing very loud cries outside. It was almost like a cross between a growl and a wail.

“What the—“

At that moment, an upset Sandy the sandworm crashed through part of the wall, creating a hole in the plaster and shattering the window.

“Ugh, you are SUCH a drama queen!” Beetlejuice yelled at Sandy as everyone yelped out of the way.

Most of the debris fell to the floor in a large chunk, with nobody standing below it, thankfully. The only real problem was if you were right under the broken windowpane, as glass rained down.

And unfortunately for Lydia, that’s exactly where she was standing.

A large and heavy shard of glass fell from the window and cut sharply down her arm, and the teen let out a squeak and stepped back to safety.

Thankfully, it didn’t seem like anyone noticed. Lydia could already tell that the cut was deep, with thick blood starting to bubble into the lace of her dress, but it wasn’t exactly something Lydia wanted to draw attention to.

Lydia felt bad about provoking Sandy into re-destroying the house when she saw the overwhelmed looks on Charles and Delia’s faces. She could deal with a stupid cut later. She pressed on the wound, thankful she wore a black dress that could cover the growing blood stain on her arm.

She calmly took a breath and schooled her expression, and that’s when she noticed Adam looking directly at her from across the room, mouth open in shock. Shit. He totally knew.

He was about to say something out loud, but he was cut off by the sound of Delia’s strangled cry, her hands shooting to her own throat with great alarm.

“Delia?” Charles asked, putting his hand on her panicked face, his eyes scanning her body for injuries. “Did the wall hit you? Are you hurt?”

She shook her head. “Wh— _what_ was in the appetizers!?” Delia choked out.

Charles eyes widened in horror.

“Oh I dunno,” Maxine said, clearly not understanding the gravity of the situation. “Chocolate, flour, oats, pork rinds, hot sauce, pickle juice. Oh! And my secret ingredient—shrimp flakes!”

Charles’ face turned an unnatural shade of red.

“Shrimp flakes??” he said. “SHRIMP FLAKES? SHRIMP IS A SHELLFISH!”

“No, shrimp is shrimp. _Shellfish_ are shellfish,” Maxine said. “You should edu-ma-cate yourself.”

Delia’s tongue got prickly and her hands began to shake, and suddenly she couldn’t even swallow. It felt like she was being strangled.

Tears started to collect in her eyes. “N—need the EpiPen,” she said. “Help.”

Everyone (minus Maxine) looked absolutely panicked for a second before spiraling into abject chaos.

“Where is it??” Charles shook Delia’s arms, but she shook her head. They had done some rearranging around the house in honor of it being fixed. She couldn’t remember where she left it.

“FIND THE EPIPEN,” Charles shouted to everyone as they started emptying everything in sight, turning the house upside down. 

With a quick nod to Adam to let him know she was _fine_ , Lydia sprinted around the living room, flipping over cushions and bookshelves alike. Beetlejuice, meanwhile, turned the kitchen into a scene from _Matilda_ , with every object being flung out of every drawer with rapid speed as he hunted for the medicine.

Barbara and Adam teleported themselves upstairs, Barbara ripping out her favorite antique cabinets in the attic as Adam dumped out every drawer in Charles and Delia’s bedroom. 

Downstairs, Delia started to sway on her feet, her legs weak and vision tunneling. She couldn’t breathe anymore, her face turning a horrifying blue-ish color. Charles caught her before she collapsed, easing her to the floor in terror.

“Delia _no_. No no no stay with me, DELIA!”

“I FOUND IT!” Lydia shouted. It was on the mantle, in plain sight. Of course. She flung it to her father immediately. She had never seen her dad look so relieved in his entire life.

He did not hesitate to unwrap and jam the EpiPen into Delia’s thigh with more force than he’d ever used on Delia before, who seized at the contact.

Her future stepmom gasped like a fish out of water, immediately wheezing in air as Charles collected her in his arms.

“It’s okay honey, it’s okay. Just breathe,” he soothed. “You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.” Lydia wondered if he was saying it to Delia or to himself, but she didn’t dwell because all she could see was red.

“What is WRONG with you two?” Lydia said, spinning toward Maxie and Maxine, who were sheepishly putting their coats back on, the lawyer already waiting outside.

She couldn’t help it. Their house was a disaster, everyone was upset, her own arm was stinging in pain and covered with blood, and Delia had almost fucking _died_. And they didn’t even attempt to help! Lydia had had enough.

“People call us freaks, but it’s really _you_ and your selfishness that ruins everything! What the fuck is WRONG with you!”

Charles was the only one not focused on his daughter’s outburst, instead closing his eyes to relish in the fluttery breaths that Delia was taking in his arms. Though, frankly, he would agree with every word Lydia said. 

The rest of the family joined the living room, witnessing the scene protectively.

“Listen kid,” Maxie started. “You don’t know what you’re talking about—”

“Oh NOW I’m a ‘kid’? You sure didn’t treat me like one at dinner last time, you sick creep.”

“HEY,“ Maxie started.

But Barbara stepped right into Maxie’s face with a hand up, causing him to step back.

“It’s time for you to leave,” she said, leaving no room for argument.

Maxie’s face turned into a deep scowl.

“You were much cuter when you were _quiet_ ,” he growled at her, only growing angrier when she didn’t bat an eye. “Enough with the women talk and shut up already, a man is speaking.”

“HEY,” both Adam and Beetlejuice roared at the same time.

“You do not speak to her that way,” Adam said, getting in Maxie’s face. “You need to leave right now.”

Adam sported a rare angry look on his face, but the demon? The demon was _big mad_.

As Adam and Barbara stood in front of Maxie and Maxine, Beetlejuice summoned a large, ghastly severed head and hands behind himself, harkening back to once upon a time when that same ghoulish figure chased them out of dinner at the Deetzes. 

“Oh no-wah,” Maxine cried.

“QUIET,” Maxie said, still not seeing it.

Beetlejuice instructed the head to let out a massive, powerful roar, the hands surging forward to grab the two idiots.

“AHHHH,” Maxie and Maxine cried in union.

They ran, scurrying out of the Deetz-Maitland house without another word, eyes wide with terror. 

As soon as they stepped outside, Big Sandy appeared and let out another screech, only causing more screams.

“See Sandy? Told you you’d get a scare in!” Beetlejuice said, the severed head and hands shrinking away into the floorboards.

The sandworm beamed with pride.

Strangely, looking at their first dinner compared to this one, it was…somewhat of an upgrade, which probably said a lot about their family. But they all made it through alive and mostly without permanent scars (except Lydia), and nobody went to the Netherworld or summoned Juno this time.

The Deetzes ended the night in the ER, a precautionary measure for both Delia and Lydia. The two patients sat together, squished in a single hospital bed (Lydia wouldn’t say it out loud, but she wanted Delia close after seeing her gasping on the floor), with Benadryl and an inhaler for Delia and a newly stitched up arm for Lydia.

“Does it feel weird? When you start breathing again after a long time?” the teen asked.

“Lydia,” Charles chastised.

“I feel jittery,” Delia said. “Like I got drugged. But happy. But also woozy.”

“So, normal for you?” Lydia deadpanned, earning another “ _Lydia_ ” from Charles (who wasn’t quite ready to make jokes about the night yet) and the crack of a smile from Delia.

“You are both staying in bed tomorrow,” Charles said. “The doctor says you’ll need more sleep. Especially you,” he stroked Delia’s red bangs out of her face.

“We’ll be fine Charles,” she soothed, taking his hand, and settling further into her pillows, her other arm looping around Lydia, pulling her close.

“What do you think the other three are up to?” Lydia changed the subject, trying to distract from the fact that she was more than willing to lean into Delia’s comforting embrace.

Across town, Barbara, Adam, and Beetlejuice ended the night attempting to clean some of the post-EpiPen and sandworm mess, with little luck despite their supernatural abilities.

Sandy looked on through the hole she created and made small regretful noises as the three of them collapsed on the couch, exhausted.

“S’okay girl,” Beetlejuice soothed, patting her head. “I’ve done worse.”

“Yes you have,” Adam muttered, half asleep already.

“At least it’s summer so cold can’t get in,” Barbara added.

“Always the optimist,” Beetlejuice said. He’d meant to sound biting, but he just sounded fond.

Ghosts and demons didn’t _need_ to rest, but they could when they were tired. And they were _very tired_. So all curled up together on the couch, they did.

The last thing Beetlejuice thought before letting himself slip into dreams, his arms around Barbara and Adam, was that this wasn’t such a bad way to end the night after all. Maybe they could invite Maxie and Maxine again sometime.

**Author's Note:**

> Just gotta say…I have a lurker Tumblr account and saw someone lovely recommend my last Beetlejuice fic, and it made my whole entire LIFE. It was surreal to stumble upon that in the wild. 
> 
> The fact that you guys read & sometimes even like my stuff enough to comment on or share it just blows me away. This fandom is the greatest thing, so just wanna say, hey guys…love you guys.


End file.
